Age 27, Saratoga Springs,UT — My pain pill addiction all began with an ex-boyfriend introducing me to them. The sad thing was that we were at my grandma's for a family function, and my son who was one years old at the time. My ex noticed that my grandma took pain pills, and he told me that I should take a couple pills, and I asked him what effects these pills had. He said that I should wait and see, so I did, and I fell in love with the pills. It all began with taking one pill here and there, and then eventually every day up to 17 pills a day over a seven year period. I got to the point were I would steal them from family and doctor just to get my fix. In the midst of these seven years, my ex and I broke up, and I met my husband and had two more children. My using continued, and I hid it from my husband until one day he went into my purse and found a lot of pills and asked me what was going on.

At the time, I told him nothing was going on, and that I was only taking them when I needed them. He knew nothing about drugs and had never experimented with them, so I felt like I could lie, and he would never know. I kept lying, and kept getting really sick every couple of weeks, and that's when he confronted me again, and asked if I had a problem with these pills. I told him yes, and he asked me if I needed to go to rehab. I said no, because I was a stay-at-home mom, and I had to take care of the kids. If I went to rehab who was going to watch the kids? So we both decided to make a doctor's appointment, because maybe the doctor could help me. The doctor prescribed me methadone which I thought that was awesome at the time, because it was like taking the pills again. To me it had the same ingredients. I continued to use for another two years until I found a doctor who I felt like saved me in a way. He had worked in a methadone clinic, so he suggested another medication called suboxone that I could take. The good thing about this medicine was that if you used pain pills while your taking suboxone, you would get really, really sick. I thought, perfect, that's exactly what I needed.

So I took suboxone for two years - off and on - whenever I could afford it. Then one night I was watching the show "Sober House" with Dr. Drew, and he had made a comment that, "the fear of being sick is what will keep you using." That was very powerful for me and has stuck ever since. It was then that I decided to get off the suboxone - cold turkey - and go through the withdrawals. It was time for me to be healthy, and my kids and husband deserved to have their mom and wife back. I had been very, very selfish for the past 10 years, putting my family through my drama. I had missed out on alot of things like my kids' birthday. I was there, but I was very high. I decided that I couldn't change the past, but make the future better, and now I'm taking it one day at a time. Today is my 23rd day of being clean and sober, and I feel amazing!!

What Made Me Try It

My use of prescription pain relievers all started with an ex-boyfriend who wanted me to try them. The first pill I took I loved, and that's were it all started for me. I would take one pill here and there, and then it was every day up to 17 pills a day for ten years. In the midst of using, I got married and had three kids.

Moments of Truth

After having children and using prescription pain relievers (lorcet,lortab,vicodin),I realized I couldn't be a mom and a wife if I was going through really hard withdrawals every couple of weeks and being really sick. After using pills for two years, my husband found them, and relized what I was doing. He was concerned and in a way I was happy he knew, because that meant he could help me.

Recovery From Relapse

I made a doctor's appointment, and the doctor prescribed me methadone. I thought, wow, this is like taking pills, this isn't so bad, but I kept using after that for another two years until I found another doctor who used to work in methadone clinics, and he told me there was another medication out there called suboxone that I could get at an outpatient clinic every morning. I then decided that this way would be the best thing, because I could still stay at home and take care of the kids and take this medicine that would help me from using and being sick.

My Keys to Recovery

Getting on suboxone was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my family until it started causing marital problems, because of how expensive the medicine and clinic were.

My Advice

I was watching the show "Sober House" one night, and Dr. Drew  made a comment that really stuck with me - "the fear of being sick is what will keep you using." It was then that I decided I was done with all of it, the suboxone and pain pills. I was really sick for two weeks, but now is my 23rd day of being clean and sober,and I feel amazing. My kids and husband deserve to have their mom and wife back.I have learned that there are things that help me stay clean like watching "Intervention",and "Happy Valley", and it's a reminder of what it was like before I quit using, and how I don't want to go back to that.